You're not ready.

This morning I was laying in bed having my morning prayer time and laying my day and my heart before God when something happened that I don't recall ever experiencing before. I felt the Holy Spirit's response to a request I was making and it was, "You're not ready for that." I actually smiled laying there in the dark! Was the Lord making fun of me? I think so! He was right, of course. I was asking for a change in the way I was handling something but what I really wanted was to suddenly become Super Christian Woman. In other words, I wanted to skip all of the steps in changing my heart (you know, all of the painful and humbling steps?)
Lord, don't let _______________get under my skin.
You're not ready for that.
God wants us to feel some of the frustration and disappoint in life while we are often desperate to be insulated from them. In my prayer time this morning, I realized God was not going to remove the person who is irritating me nor is he going to build an emotional wall that prevents me feeling this irritation. He wants me to be aware of that feeling and then to repent of it. This, I had not asked for!
Then I'm to examine my heart to find hidden sin there. A defensive attitude, a prideful heart, a past offense that I'm hanging on to, the assumption that the same thing is going to happen all over again. All of these things harbored in my spirit are manifested in my irritation. It doesn't matter what the situation is, it's my own heart that I am responsible to examine.
Jumping to not being bothered? I'm not ready for that. I need to back up to step on and repent of the me-ccentric instincts that drive this.
I realized that my hopes and plans for the day are so often completely earth-bound. No wonder there are so many opportunities to feel disappointed. It's not eternally important if I am talked over in a meeting or the credit for my project goes to someone else. It's not eternally important if my family doesn't notice that I cleaned the house or rave over the delicious meal I've made. The works of my hands are all submitted to the life of a servant; a servant never waits for applause. Often I deceive myself into thinking that I don't want applause, just a simple thank you. But it's the same attitude either way, pay attention to me. Recognize me for doing this or that. Be nice to me.
As I finished praying this morning, I had a thought that made everything clear. I pictured Jesus hanging on the cross and his final words, "It is finished." What if his final words had been, "A thank you would be nice." or "Hey, does anyone see what I'm doing here?" or "Father, remove the pain and humiliation from this experience."
I'm not anxious to be "tried" by the stuff that God doesn't find important. I seek the heart and mind of Christ so that I can understand the eternal significance of every moment.
My heart, being redeemed to eternity, can bear it.